9 December 2025
When a child refuses contact: understanding parental alienation
By Daniel Sims, Family Solicitor, Hayes + Storr.
For many separated families, Christmas can highlight the challenges of shared parenting. While some children move easily between households, others may resist spending time with one parent, sometimes refusing contact altogether. This can leave one parent feeling rejected or believing that the other has deliberately influenced the child’s views.
What is parental alienation?
The courts increasingly encounter situations where one parent claims that the other has “turned” the child against them. Rather than treating this as a psychological condition, judges have clarified that parental alienation is best understood as a pattern of behavior that results in a child unjustifiably rejecting a parent.
Recent guidance has outlined three elements that must be shown before the court will conclude that alienation has occurred:
1. The child shows resistance or refusal to spend time with one parent;
2. This cannot reasonably be explained by that parent’s own conduct; and
3. The other parent has acted, directly or indirectly, in a way that has contributed to the child’s rejection.
When refusal has another explanation
It is important to remember that not every case of resistance amounts to alienation. Children, particularly older ones, can form their own opinions about where they feel most comfortable. In other cases, reluctance may reflect a legitimate wish to avoid a parent whose behavior has been harmful or neglectful.
Similarly, there are situations where one parent restricts contact for protective reasons, for example, to safeguard the child’s wellbeing or safety. In those circumstances, what may appear to be alienation could, in fact, be a proportionate and justified response.
How the court approaches these disputes
When parents cannot agree about the reasons for a child’s refusal, the court may direct a Fact-Finding Hearing. This allows each side to present evidence, which might include statements, reports from schools or health professionals, or information from the police or social services.
The court’s task is to determine, what has actually happened:
• Has there been domestic abuse or other conduct justifying limited contact?
• Or has one parent engaged in behavior amounting to alienation?
The answers to these questions shape the next steps in the case.
If the court finds that one parent’s conduct has led the child to become alienated from the other, it may order steps such as family therapy, psychological assessment, or supervised contact to help rebuild the relationship. The parent responsible will generally be expected to recognise the impact of their behavior and work towards restoring the child’s relationship with the other parent.
Where allegations of abuse are proven, the court will instead focus on ensuring that any future contact is safe, and in some cases, it may decide that contact should not take place at all.
Support for parents
At Hayes + Storr, our family law team has extensive experience helping parents navigate complex contact disputes.
For confidential advice, contact our Family Department on 01328 863231 or email law@hayes-storr.com.
This article is for general information only and does not constitute legal advice. The law may have changed since publication.
